Connections

Two weeks ago as Ian and I were in the bathroom getting ready for bed, he told me how proud he was of me in the last month. I asked him why. After all, if I'm getting a compliment, I like to know (and milk it for all it's worth!). He very sweetly told me how great it was to see me so happy, determined, and focused, that it felt like I had a direction and was working towards my goals. And it was all true!

The next day, as I was out walking with a good friend, and she was complimenting me on my organization (!)* and drive, I mentioned how great I'd been feeling. Hardly a bad mood, feeling over-all more energized, and just... happy. I mentioned how I finally felt like I was 'me', again, how I hadn't felt this good since before I got pregnant, two years ago. As I was saying goodbye to her, it hit me - at I'd been done breastfeeding for a month.

This is in contrast to where I was March 2012 - which I can say with complete confidence (now) was the land of postpartum depression. I was a Gloomy Gus. I was sad and angry, generally felt too tired to do much, and was constantly overwhelmed.

I'm glad that I breastfed Felicity for fifteen months, don't get me wrong. But that isn't to say that we didn't have many difficulties along the way, or that I loved it all (or most) of the time. We were both ready to be done.

* While we have a good calendar system and Ian and I are able to keep to our rigorous budget and keep up most of the time with our to-do list, I don't know if I have been used in the same sentence with 'organized' ever, unless it was to say, "Gee, I wish Rachel was more organized," or, "Rachel is so disorganized." This was, like, a major compliment. I'm pretty sure I blushed.

How Did You Find the Blog?

Some things just crack me up. Seriously.

Unless you have an account with blogger, you probably don't know that it (GOOGLE) shares certain information with me, like how many people click on a post a day, where traffic is routed from, blah blah blah. And no, it doesn't give me specifics about WHO is reading, and how often they come back, although I'm sure I could pay for this if I was very rich. And cared.

In wandering through my "Traffic Sources" I found the following this evening:

• Most of the people brought in by search keywords are trying to find recipes for spinach rice casserole or blackberry ginger ale. Interesting. Maybe I should do more food blogging? Oh wait... I have another blog for that...
• SEVEN hits were from people googleing "ladies breast." BWAHAHAH. Disappointment, much? Especially for those would-be readers only looking for ONE breast?
• Five people found the blog by googleing my name. Good search skills. And I'm not being sarcastic, I literally had to do the same a few years ago when I'd gotten myself locked out and forgot the name of the blog. But 'like' the facebook page and make your life a little easier, I have a really long name. 
• As of right now, I have 6659 page views (not including my own). Neat! 

Image rom Jezebel - The closest thing to 'ladies breast" you'll find on this blog

So, dedicated reader(s)? How did you find the blog?

BOOKS!

I know I've been quiet lately. I've been busy changing what seems like millions of sticky, poopy diapers, cooking, and reading.

I haven't officially written about my updated thesis topic, but here's what's on my reading list right now:

Is Breast Best?: Taking on the Breastfeeding Experts and the New High Stakes of Motherhood by Joan B. Wolf









The Time Use of Mothers in the United States at the Beginning of the 21st Century by Rachel Connelly and Jean Kimmel

Feminist Mothering edited by Andrea O'Reilly

Motherhood and Feminism by Amber E. Kinser

The Paradox of Natural Mothering by Chris Bobel








Anyone want to guess at what I'm writing about and what my hypothesis might be? I'll mail you cookies if you're right!

Reflections on Breastfeeding

[I want to be very clear that while I am a strong proponent of breastfeeding, I understand that some women are not able to breastfeed for one reason or another. As I've stated in the past, I think that all new moms should really do their very best to make it work. I do take issues with moms that don't even want to try and don't have a really good reason.]

Felicity is almost eight months old, and as I was feeding her this afternoon, I couldn't help but think about all of the very pleasant memories. I say this now as a woman who was very seriously considering stopping nursing when Felicity was two months old in favor of pumping; the first few months were so very painful and hard. But, after the baby was diagnosed with acid reflux when she was three months old (and successfully treated), and we saw a lactation consultant to work on her latch, and I was able to heal a little... nursing became a much more pleasant experience. It took months and months, but I now enjoy it the process, when I used to dread it. Maybe it's because Felicity is becoming increasingly interested in food, I'm slowly realizing that these small moments throughout the day, where the baby is still and laying in my arms, are coming to a close. And really, it is nice to just sit with her and have her calm and relax; you never quite realize how much and how fast a baby will move about once they've figured out how to crawl. Or do the worm, in Felicity's case.

Meeting Felicity, December 1st, 2012

But really, even though Flick and I struggled through some of the beginning, some of the nicest memories come from this period. I don't have very clear memories about the first few hours after Felicity's birth, but I do remember Ian placing the baby on my chest for the first time, as I was laying down, unable to move after the cesarean. My mom helped her latch on for the first time (it's amazing how many of your boundaries completely disappear when you're pregnant, and then even more so during birth and immediately afterwards!). I remember holding her small body, very awkwardly as I could barely move, my mom saying, "Just let her smell you." And that little mouth, always sucking on her hand; I do believe she was pulled out of me making her small sucking movements, like a little bird.

I also recall with fondness our weeks of poetry. There were several weeks through March and April, where we had figured out the latch a bit and I could have a hand free, and before Felicity realized she could stretch an arm back and smack anything I might be holding, where I would read poetry aloud as the she ate. The poetry seemed to relax her little body, and she'd often stay still and happy in my lap after she was done eating, cooing, often drifting into a nap.

Snack at The High Line, May 2012

More recently, I've been enjoying just... nursing! And not just at home or in a small room, but wherever we are, whatever we're doing. At the park, at the museum, in a cafe or restaurant. At one point I almost felt shame for needing to feed Felicity publicly. Maybe it was because I had so many negative sensations and emotions, or maybe I just needed a little exposure (pun intended! so sorry, I know it's dreadful).

Breastfeeding is one of those things that people often don't talk very honestly about.
I read and heard over and over again how easy and natural it was, what a smooth transition it would be for mother and child. It wasn't natural or easy. As I mentioned, we had a three-month adjustment period, and I thought about quitting many times. It can hurt like the dickens (the first two weeks the most), let-down can feel like fire burning down your breasts, engorgement feels terrible, and blocked ducts are more frequent and painful than you often hear about. I never developed mastitis, and for that, I'm really grateful.

Yet breastfeeding is a very special bond. I remember, as we were feeding Felicity her first solids on her half birthday, how my body had completely sustained her body for six whole months, in which time she'd learned to smile and laugh, had somehow doubled her birth weight and then some, and developed rolls tires deep on her bitty thighs. And how proud I felt.

Our bodies do some amazing things. Pregnancy and birth are remarkable, and how interesting that breast milk has so many benefits for baby and mother. And did you know that breast milk has cannabinoids in it? Neat.

Reclaim what now?

Bittylab, a new company just launched last year, is trying to get their BARE bottles off the ground. At first glance, everything seems great: the bottles are designed to mimic a woman's breast, they are free of so many of the nasty chemicals still found in many bottles and baby things, the company seems to be pro-breastfeeding, and they won a 2012 Eco Excellence Award.

Enter their marketing campaign this July on Twitter: "New Baby? Reclaim your wife. Meet BARE," and "Feeling like you're competing with your newborn for mommy's attention? Meet Bare."

While I give them (slight) props for marketing to men (whom most companies completely ignore when advertizing for baby, household, and cleaning products), Bittylab is suggesting that a wife is property to be reclaimed. As in, the wife, or her breasts, are the husband's property. Or, you know, a baby is competing for breast time because it needs to eat so it can grow and not die. Hopefully every new mom has heard by now: Breast is Best;* we should encourage as much nursing as possible!

And then let's look at the second ad for a moment. It either suggests that a) you feed your baby formula; or b) you pump and then bottle-feed your baby. The company's stance is pro-nursing, so the first is out, leaving the suggestion that a mother pump instead of nurse to save some time.

Speaking as *ahem* an experienced pumper, you would prefer that your partner stop everything, strip off her clothing, slather her nipples in lanisoh so they don't crack, connect her breasts to suction cups and a motor, and feel a little like a milking cow? While I appreciate that it's an option and enjoyed the opportunity and choice to pump when I need and wanted to, pumping is just not glamorous.** Pumps don't work as well or expediently as a baby's little bird mouth, and then you actually have to feed the baby the bottle later, not to mention wash and sanitize the bottles and pumping equipment. So it takes a lot longer, which doesn't really correspond with saving time using the bottle. Not to mention, a father really shouldn't be putting his own needs before his infant's needs. This seems to harken back to an era where the patriarch of the family was served their meal first, and makes all of the family decisions.

Oh Bittylab, why so sexist? Why such shameful advertising?

But it's okay everyone, they apologized on facebook!

Ladies, We're really sorry about the twitter campaign run last week. It was a huge miss understood and resulted in offensive messages. It was taken down yesterday. The messages had nothing to do with putting a husband needs before the baby's needs, it was more about having a little extra time for the rest of the family. Obviously the whole campaign was poorly executed. We apologize deeply for this miss understanding and assure you, from now on the campaigns will be closely monitored before they go out. Thank you for a second chance.

.... oh.... they didn't actually realize why the ads were offensive.

* While scientific studies do show that breastmilk is superior to formula for infant brain development, I fully understand that not all moms have success with breastfeeding. While I firmly believe that every mom should do their absolute best, even through the hellish acclimating period (the first 3-180 days), I do not judge those moms that are unable to continue. As long as they tried. Really hard.

** Notice how awkward our friend from 90's is here? Even though she's decked out with her special pumping bra and a cardboard computer, one can immediately tell that pumping is a really strange activity. And this picture? This picture is to actual pumping as a fast food burger ad is to the actual "product" they've convinced you is edible.

Breastfeeding & Eliminating Foods/Dairy

As yet another mom bemoaned giving up dairy and "gassy foods" (broccoli, potatoes, etc.) in my mom's support group last week, I had to really bite my tongue to avoid blurting out, "It probably won't change anything!"

It's another of the many controversies surrounding breastfeeding: does what a mother eats and drinks cause gas and discomfort in her breastfed baby? I liked this post by Secrets of Baby Behavior, and Kelly Mom (always an excellent source of information) writes that if there is a problem, it's more than likely a food allergy, which are rare and almost always have accompanying symptoms.

I didn't change my diet at all for breastfeeding. I try to eat a balanced diet (which may involve slightly too much Thai takeout and ice cream, but we're doing our best), but I wasn't willing to give up anything because it didn't seem worth it. As much as I could tell, Felicity had some gassy days, and some non-gassy days. They didn't seem to be tied at all to what I was consuming, and we conquered all with cuddles, belly rubs, and gripe water (or the occasional dose of Mylicon). While she may not be as fussy or gassy as many babies, and may respond more positively to the interventions I named above, I simply cannot believe that over 50% of babies (as evidenced by the number of moms that I know that have eliminated dairy and/or other things from their diet) have food allergies or an intolerance for milk.

Hormones

The post on "The Motherhood Penalty" raised questions about hormones in mothers and fathers. I started thinking about the hormones released after pregnancy, especially in a breastfeeding mother such as myself. I feel like I'm a different person after Felicity's birth five months ago. Why? And will I return to my formerly fabulous self, or is this new, kind of high-strung, super-sensitive 'me' here to stay?

It seems that the moms in my support group (who also mother infants) are a bit confused as well. We're told we have all of these hormones floating around, and that they cause any number of symptoms, but we seem to be reading different materials and hear different things. You heard breastfeeding made you lose weight faster? My doctor said that I'll hold on to an additional 10 pounds until I wean... etc.

I have to say, after spending a forty-five googling, I'm having difficulty finding any useful information that discusses the hormones present and what they do to the body.

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable just looking at this cow?

Kelly Mom (great website, by the by) cites scientific studies to show how prolactin peaks in a woman when she is full-term, then gradually declines after pregnancy. Prolactin is the hormone that tells a women's body to produce milk. Wikipedia (great scholarly resources, right everyone, right?) says that high estrogen and progesterone levels keep the body from lactating during pregnancy, and the sharp drops in these hormones after birth allows the body to go ahead and make milk. I hate even talking about what Wikipedia says, but I'm honestly having a hard time finding any good data that is informed by cited scientific backing.


But the internet is full of lots of uncited, where-the-hell-did-this-come-from information about the "hormones" that women produce following pregnancy. And according to the all-wise internet, these hormones do the following to a person:

• make you moody
• make you angry
• make you weepy (I would like to see a scientific study on weepiness, wouldn't you?)
• make you anxious
• make you an insomniac
• make you depressed
• make you hold on to weight
• make you have night sweats
• make you have hot flashes
• make you angry at your partner
• make you angry at your baby

It feels really unfeminist and somewhat dishonest to blame behavior on hormones, but sometimes I seriously feel like a crazy person. And, speaking as someone with / recovering from postpartum depression, these emotions which I'm told are a product of the hormones raging in my post-pregnancy body, can be incredibly difficult to control.
 

Questions: What symptoms (both on and off the list above) did you experience during pregnancy and after childbirth? Did you find that you 'stabilized' back to your former self after a time?